Turn self-consciousness into self-confidence.
Ms. Pi's job is to join generations of Alphas, Deltas, and Pis in a collaboration of life wisdom. Ms. Pi is everyone's favorite grandmother, easy to talk to, and always kind. She is comprised of years of ADPi acumen in the area of manners and sticky social situations. This blog is sponsored by the Alpha Xi Chapter Alumnae Association of Alpha Delta Pi Sorority. #PearlsfromPi
Rules to submit questions to Pi:
Any collegian member in good standing with Alpha Delta Pi may submit a question. Only questions submitted with a signature will be considered for publication. The high standards of Alpha Delta Pi should always be followed. No rants. The Alpha Xi Chapter Alumnae Association reserves the right to select questions felt to be appropriate for publication.  All selected questions will be published anonymously. Miss Pi needs your name but it will not be used in the blog. Submit questions using this Google Forms link: https://goo.gl/forms/5CxYwsGHhJPzyjXr1
Dear Pi,
How can we avoid those awkward silences during events that alumnae we may not know attend? Sometimes it can be hard to make a connection when you're trying to impress your older sisters!
Loyally,
Delta Dawn
Dear Dawn,
What a wonderful question! As I see it, your question has two components. The first has to do with conversing with alumnae and the second, making a good impression. I will address these in two separate blog posts.
Conversing:
We've all been there! You're all dressed up, ready for a long-awaited event, and there it is. A long, tortuous pause. Each culture has its own set of expectations about the natural flow of conversation. It becomes awkward when that lull leaves us feeling anxious and pressured to speak. Learning to feel comfortable conversing with new people while you are an undergraduate, will help you in many situations throughout your life.
The main skill in conversing is not in the talking but in the listening. Many of our alumnae mention that active listening is an important skill. It begins with comfortable eye contact. It's not a staring contest. That would be rude! The point is to connect with the other person. Open-ended questions which require more than a 'yes' or 'no' answer are a good place to start. You already have ADPi in common. Ask about a favorite ADPi memory. As they describe their memory, ask questions. So, if they say that Bid Day was their favorite, ask what was it about Bid Day they liked, ask them to describe how the day unfolded, about their Bid Day themes, gifts given to new members or not, and where they held it. Be curious. Ask for details and let one question lead to another. It's okay to ask for clarification. If you don't understand something or a term used, by all means, ask. The key skill is to focus on what is said and not worry about sharing your experiences. It's perfectly fine to fill in with your stories if the other person is uncomfortable speaking. In the lovely situation where both are comfortable talking, that's a true conversation!
Remember this as you host alumnae at your sorority house. They are often as nervous, if not more so than you are. Alumnae may have been in school before you were born. They may just now be re-engaging in ADPi after their children are old enough to be left alone for a bit. It may be the first time they put on heels and pearls in a long time. They may feel very much alone as you look so at home with all your sisters around you. So don't let that cool Miranda Priestly exterior fool you!
All those faces and names of your sisters are new to her. If you will be comfortable asking her name when you forget, she will be more comfortable admitting she forgot yours. "Tell me your name again," is a safe way to approach it. When another person joins your conversation, make sure to catch them up on the discussion so they feel included. It might go like this.
You (to the new person): "I was just asking, tell me your name again?"
Her: "Ann Alum."
You: "Yes! I was just asking Ann Alum about her favorite ADPi memory and she was describing her Bid Day. What was your Bid Day like?"
I am confident in you, as a member of ADPi, to always demonstrate the best of manners. Those skills you learn during recruitment carry over to events with alumnae. In asking your question, it's evident you care enough to be a gracious host. In my next post, I'll discuss impressing your older sisters.
Loyally,
Pi
