Turning self-consciousness into self-confidence
Dear Pi,
What are some ways to navigate gift giving at Christmas time? You want to give all of your sister-friends a gift, but that gets expensive quickly! How can that be politely handled?
Loyally,
Adda Goerl
Dear Adda,
Regardless of which holidays you celebrate, gift giving can set some unrealistic expectations. We are surrounded by marketing in which the expectation of finding the perfect gift can set your head spinning. The whole concept of Santa bringing gifts to good girls and boys has the potential of making a person think they aren't seen as a good person if they don't receive a gift. The key to handling differing expectations and to stay within your budget is communication.
Be clear about what you propose to do and be willing to talk about this as early in the season as possible. Be ready with specific ideas or plans. Folks seem to come to a consensus better when they have something to consider rather than a wide open, "What should we do?" Communicate your plan either in person or with an email to the group. Group texts don't give folks enough space to adequately share their feelings on the subject. Be open to suggestions or tweaks to your plan. When you first bring up the subject, discuss the benefits of your idea. Avoid saying you don't have enough money to buy everyone a gift. Those who perceive themselves as having less money than you may just see you as being cheap. Speak from your heart about wanting to keep the joy in the holidays without additional pressures. You certainly have your plates full with studies and family obligations! Remember how wearing similar outfits during recruitment puts everyone on an equal footing? This is the same concept. It all begins with clearly communicating expectations.
To make this work, everyone needs to give their word they will adhere to what the group agrees. It puts someone in an awkward situation when you agree to a specific limit and then it is overdone. While the intention may be to show how much you think of someone, it actually keeps them from enjoying the moment. Overly generous gifts do the opposite of what is intended. The same goes if it is agreed not to exchange gifts. The lack of gift actually becomes the gift. Keeping your word is priceless. Remember, always leave the other person feeling better about themselves having interacted with you.
Focus on what is meaningful and not obligatory. The holidays are a wonderful opportunity to share thoughtful gifts and stay within your budget. The best gifts come from within you: Your attention, your appreciation, your forgiveness, your patience, your benefit-of-the-doubt, your time, and your encouragement.
If you decide to exchange gifts, here are some ideas to consider:
Give only what you are willing to give. You are all students and it is not worth buying a gift for the sake of giving a gift. Secret Santa is an option in which there is a specific price limit set for the group and names are drawn, keeping the number of gifts down. But from what you asked, you are interested in how to best handle many gifts. In that case, consider making or purchasing inexpensive ornaments for each sister. Sisters who don't celebrate Christmas may use ornaments to hang from windows. Just call it a window whimsy. Pinterest is full of wonderful ideas for inexpensive gifts.
Focus on experiences. In this age of social media, real conversations are a real gift. Heartfelt sentiments are always best.
1. Don't give gift certificates for Starbucks. Take a sister for coffee. Sit down and have quality time and try to learn something about her you don't already know. Wrap a physical gift in a small box with a note which explains the gift and expresses how much your value time with her.
2. Organize a movie night. Rent a new release and provide popcorn with a couple of two liters of soda. Make a spunky invitation for a time amenable to most and let them know this is your gift to them.
3. Share sister time volunteering with the local soup kitchen. Do some research about the organization to make sure it can be done within their licensing requirements. Make it into a gift by writing a note which describes what a treat it would be to share this service to others with your sisters. Give each volunteer a handmade ribbon declaring them a super volunteer.
Keep gifts simple and heartfelt.
Thank you for asking such a timely question! I appreciate your desire to handle the holidays in a way that leaves everyone feeling better about themselves. My holiday wish for you includes lots of warm hugs and that you make treasured memories with your ADPi sisters.
Loyally,
Pi
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